Earlier this year, at the beginning of July, I decided to start going vegan. I wanted to know if I was a vegan. However, as I started to read more and try to think it was like I couldn’t think clearly; like I had a head full of static. I now know that was cognitive dissonance – eating animal products while trying to decide if I should would not work. I decided to go vegan for about a year just to see. So, I started to change my behaviour and thinking around food. I kept reading blogs and books, watching videos online and listening to podcasts.
As I started making the transition, I decided to keep a blog to record my ‘journey’ and to have something to reflect back on. I was under the delusion that the food I ate was about me.
As I started on this ‘journey’ and started to learn more I realised that veganism wasn’t about me, but if I didn’t go vegan as quickly as possible I would continue to participate in what has to be one of the most horrific systems of mass exploitation on the planet. For 46 years, I was supporting an ideology and cultural practice so vile and endorsing of violence it is beyond words.
I am now certain that I am vegan. I still do not understand what it all means. I do not know all the things I am supposed to be doing. I am still trying to retrieve my emotions, my shame and my sanity. I don’t know what I am doing, thinking or feeling, but I do know my intention; to do the least harm possible, to keep learning and to change. I do not want to participate.
For the first couple of months I couldn’t write about what was happening with me – I didn’t know what to write. But now, still not certain what I want this blog to be, but I want to put my thoughts and discoveries out there.
When I picked the name Crash Test Vegan … I had no idea how completely apt it would be.
Debbie Robinson (46)
I live in Hamilton, New Zealand. I’m married (no kids) and work as an instructional designer.